its another hour till the 1st of march. your birthday. it hurts me not knowing whether you'll hang up on me when i call you, or you just ignoring and deleting the message if i text you. i know you're really hurt, and i dont blame you. i havent been the best boyfriend to you. making you cry, making you really disappointed with how i treated you. its okay, you've every right to not make me be in any part of your life. if that makes you happy, i guess i can deal with it. maybe.

i just feel all sad and empty inside. the spaces in my heart filled with your warmth and love, they now just empty, wasted gaps again. how i wish, i could start being matured now, start growing up, start realising that it takes two hands to clap. i havent regretted any part of being with you. i just regret being me.

i had cheerleading the other day, and i feel really depressed after the training, cus it really hit me on the way back home that i loved having cheerleading training with you last year. i missed the times we had fun 'dancing' naughtily around, just laughing and everything. what i really missed was the sports day itself. after the whole event. we went to dan's place, had our first real kiss. everything was magic to me.

i've never loved anyone like how i've loved you. i think i can never again.
i miss you, i really, really do.
please, at least talk to me.
please.






"now you wanna be free, so i'm letting you fly
cause i know in my heart baby, our love will never die, no.
you'll always be a part of me."

i'm really worried about you.
and i'm sorry for everything.

its just really depressing when everything i do, reminds me of you. it just makes me really miss you so much, and it shows me how fucking stupid i can be. it hurts, it really, really, does.

why cant we be friends?

in the confusion,
and the aftermath,
you are my signal fire.

09B6 siol.

i miss this.

but no, time to move on. orientation's done.
school's next.
and oh, i'm still in zircon.
all the best asyraf.

SOMEBODY PLEASE TALK TO ME.

I AM SO MISERABLY BORED THAT I'M GONNA POST THIS.

here are my targets for 2009.

starting with my studies.
GP - C
Math - a freaking E
Melayu - C
Geography - hopefully a D
Accounting - better be a B (haha that was fucking cool. okay random)
Mgt of Business - B

next, rugby.
PLATES CHAMPIONSHIP.
vice-captaincy.

my personal hopes and dreams.
to finally grow up and realise i need to start saving up.
to study, and to study with all my heart.
speaking of hearts, i promise to not break anyone's heart anymore.
to be a better brother, a better son, a better role model.
to achieve these goals.

please god, i need your help in this. i need all the motivation i can possibly get. to start focusing, to start telling myself this year's impt. its make or break. haiya asyraf, its up to you. you control your future, so make good use of the opportunity given.

in other news, i'm just numbing myself now so as to not break down and cry again. its very hard for me, to accept the fact there's nothing between us anymore. so our differences did tear us apart. but i think there's a silver lining behind every dark cloud (if thats how the saying goes). there's something good behind every bad. so yeah, im staying positive, well at least i'm telling myself to. i'll be waiting for your texts, your calls, everything. i promised you ytd i wont be sad while talking on the phone. maybe i wont, or at least pretend i wont be. like i told you, whatever it is, i'll be here if you need me. anytime. cus i still love and care for you nur aliana, i still and will always do.

sigh. another fucking emo post. haiyaaaaaaaaaa

angels and airwaves.

So hear this please,

And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly.
And look for the stars as the sun goes down.
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound.

Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight.
Prepare for the best and the fastest ride.
And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine.

with you, everything's magic.
i miss you, friend. ):

dear god,

i'm lonely, and i'm tired.
and i'm missing her again.

i love you nur aliana. i love you so much.

Pain.

"Rugby's keeping me sane." -Amir
i agree man, i truly agree.

nuraliana.

ku tergoda, pada senyuman manismu.
ku terpikat, kepadamu.

argh.

Alumni 55 - 5 Titans

yesterday's match was probably the best one for me. despite the loss, we definitely had a pleasant experience. yes, we may have started off badly, but we gradually improved and played well i guess. we have to work on our confidence level and our ability of thinking and reacting quicker on the field.

"it's either you kill, or get killed."

now for the 15s.

in other news, orientation ended ytd. like finally! made friends, potential rugger mates and all. now i'm looking forward to go back to a class, settle down and start studying. people say retainees have a slight advantage in our studies. i hope i can make good this year la. let's just hope, study hard, and see. i know it wont be easy. haha, i just realised i did this exact same thing last year after my mid years. sigh.

anyways, you little sunflower, you never fail to make me smile. love you, still. and i miss you, so much. ):

FUCKERS FOR FRIENDS.

fuck la.

RETAINEE CLAN.

today wasnt as nice i expected it would be. i thought the orientation would start off with a bang, but no, it WAS FREAKING BORING sial. ah ah siol.

1. Tan chor pang talked. Azman talked. Pow talked. Librarian guy talked.
2. My group is freaking boring la sial. the guys were bengs and the girls were...ugly. okay not so la, but still. ugly.
3. My clan wasnt into the MI spirit yet, not loud at all. so very passive.
4. I had no one that i know in my group. very, very heartbreaking.

BUT.

1. Thareni(sp?) was a pain in the ass, in a good way. cracking up chimondo jokes and all. he danced while lying down on his back. fcking funny.
2. The retainees formed a clan. FCKING AWESOME. like rebels you know, but not so bad la.
3. became friends with sabariah and gang, found out stuff abt this guy named arjuna. all by thareni. fcking hilarious.
4. Training wasnt tiring since i didnt do that much.
5. Made aly happy after a 10-month anniversary talk. (:

HAHAHA. so yeah, that was my day.
i hope the orientation gets more fun with the games and all. and please be more open, my fellow groupmates. i'm gonna die of boredom sial if like that. sigh sigh sigh.

anyways, honey if youre reading this, which i know you will, I LOVEEEE YOUUUUU. ((:

okay, the king needs to shit.
tata for now.

we gotta win something guys, really.
lets just train, stay clear of injuries, work together and stop all nonsense.
we can do this.


anyways, i'm cutting little arrows for aly. its getting tiring and my back's aching. but at least she's on the phone with me, so yeah, it makes the situation so, so much better.
BUT WE'RE ARGUING. so fun la disturbing you sayang. hahah.

me: what if ah, i'm gay?
aly: i dont know.
me: then what if ah, you found out i went out with another girl?
aly: then I WILL SLAAAAAAAPPPP YOUUURRRR FAACCEEE!
me: hahaha! okayokay relax sayang...then what if ah, you found out i went out with two girls?
aly: i'll kick your balls so hard it'll go out of ass you know!
me: why dont you just kill me?
aly: NO! like that you can live every day of your life without your balls.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHA i love you so much la sayang!

blog test blog test one two.