I haven't been a saint. I haven't always made the right decisions, which I lived on and looked back just to regret it.

I shouldn't have started smoking.
I shouldn't have procrastinated so much.
I shouldn't have sulked.
I shouldn't have done several things.

I can try to forget them, but i can't erase the past.

On mornings like this, when the fan just blows and the rain just falls, i look out of the window, and i realize that I don't have much time left. Nowadays, it seems to me that I'm looking for an answer to a question that can never be answered, the only drive in my life left is.. well i don't know.

I start to falter.
Everyday I feel a part of myself being torn away.
I just try to believe in something I've no faith in.
I cry alone.
I ponder alone.
And in times of desperation, I even whisper a little prayer, alone.
Then, i start questioning the worth.

Is it worth it to put myself through something that fuels on doubts and lies?
To let myself get raised higher and higher everyday only to be pushed back down, crashing hard through where I first started and landing in a dark, dark place.

I want to cry again, but I'm done crying.
When that happens, what would you do?
Please, tell me.
Please, help me.