ONE MORE DAY TO SAJC.

no more sitting on the sidelines for me.
cus i'm not going to care abt my ankle,
i'm just going to play.

i miss rugby.

So hear this please,

and watch as your heart beats on endlessly.

argh fuck it i need sleep badly

The Perishers - Sway

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that’s what you’ve come to be
It feels as though we’ve made amends
Like we found a way eventually

It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole

I don’t wanna hurt you
I don’t wanna make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore
I’ve always been a dreamer
I’ve had my head among the clouds
Well now that I’m coming down
Won’t you be my solid ground

I look at you and see a friend
I hope that’s what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began
Have you finally forgiven me?

You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away
And then tricked ’em back into me
You saved me I was almost dead

I don’t wanna hurt you
I don’t wanna make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore
I’ve always been a dreamer
I’ve had my head among the clouds
Well now that I’m coming down
Won’t you be my solid ground

I don’t wanna hurt you
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore

I don’t wanna hurt you
I don’t wanna make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore
I’ve always been a dreamer
I’ve had my head among the clouds
Well now that I’m coming down
Won’t you be my solid ground

Awang Belanga.

surprisingly, it was a great show. kudos to those who acted, they did an amazing job.
well done fishermen, err i mean malays, errr guys. (:



and i cant wait for tuesday.
4.45 pm, Sajc.
let's hold them up boys, let's play our game.

FUCKING ANKLE.

two fucking days to our first match of the season and my ankle's creating problems again. it fucking hurts when i twist it. argh. sean passed me some of his medicine, hopefully it'll help. this fucking sucks eh. serious.

i dont want to be a liability to the team.

a boy brushed red, living in black and white.

I'VE FUCKING LOST PEOPLE I REALLY LOVE, I REALLY CARE ABOUT. AND INSTEAD OF BEING A FRIEND, YOU ACT LIKE A FUCKING GIRL. YOU HAD TO THINK THAT WAY EH. SO TYPICAL OF YOU, YOU FUCK. AND ASK, ASK AROUND IF I SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU. THEY'LL ALL SAY THE FUCKING SAME THING. I DIDNT FUCKING SAY ANYTHING. SO MUCH FOR NO MORE BULLSHIT EH. AND WOW, I REALLY THOUGHT I COULD COME TO YOU FOR HELP. WELL YOU SAID I COULD. THANKYOU SO MUCH, YOU FUCKING SHIT. THANKYOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR BEING A FUCKING FRIEND. FUCK OFF MAN, JUST FUCK OFF.

goodbye.

i havent been the best nephew to you.

always shrugging away the advices you give me,
always being that immature brat that i've been,
always being cold when you scold me,
and so much more.

i'm sorry.

now that you're gone, i regret being who i was. i regret not repaying everything you've done for me. you showered me with love, care, compassion, and everything else. argh i miss you, and i love you, aunt. i really do. i'll pray for you everyday. i promise that.

al-fateha.

numbness seeping through.

what i need right now,
are painkillers
or friends that can really help
sleeping pills will do too.

I haven't been a saint. I haven't always made the right decisions, which I lived on and looked back just to regret it.

I shouldn't have started smoking.
I shouldn't have procrastinated so much.
I shouldn't have sulked.
I shouldn't have done several things.

I can try to forget them, but i can't erase the past.

On mornings like this, when the fan just blows and the rain just falls, i look out of the window, and i realize that I don't have much time left. Nowadays, it seems to me that I'm looking for an answer to a question that can never be answered, the only drive in my life left is.. well i don't know.

I start to falter.
Everyday I feel a part of myself being torn away.
I just try to believe in something I've no faith in.
I cry alone.
I ponder alone.
And in times of desperation, I even whisper a little prayer, alone.
Then, i start questioning the worth.

Is it worth it to put myself through something that fuels on doubts and lies?
To let myself get raised higher and higher everyday only to be pushed back down, crashing hard through where I first started and landing in a dark, dark place.

I want to cry again, but I'm done crying.
When that happens, what would you do?
Please, tell me.
Please, help me.

all the bitching, all the backstabbing, all the lies, they all gotta stop. enough is enough.
lets start taking up responsibilities for a change. lets start being adults, taking life seriously. i've had enough of this nonsense, this fucking useless friendship, this lame ass story of one being another's brother. fuck no. i've got no more time for dramas. i'm gonna stay focused in school, in rugby, and in getting my life straight again. i've hit an all time low. lifeless, helpless, and so hopeless. my mum's condition isn't helping and school's being a bitch. i think now i know what it truly means by being mature.

and titans, i'll play my all.
amir, i'll have your back at all times. you can count on me.

fuck the ankle. i'll play my all during the A divs.
i'll never let you guys down. for real.









it sucks not having you around. it's just so lonely.

my world's just crumbling down fast.

i feel lost.

now's the time i really need you.
your voice, your comfort.
argh, i fucking regret pissing you off, seriously. i'm really sorry.

i've lost you.
i've lost my spot in the A divs.
i've lost focus in my studies.
my world's crashing hard, and fast.

please, at least look at me when we pass each other.
i miss you, your smile especially, so much.

the nights now are so much colder, so much lonely-er, so much quieter.
i just feel so alone, with all the warmth in my heart sucked out of me, leaving me all lifeless and worthless. all the love you gave me, all fading away as time pass. slowly, painfully. really, really painfully.
the notes you gave me, they didnt help as well. everytime i read them i start crying. i feel like shit. how could i have been so fucking stupid by not being there for you when you needed or wanted me. argh. fuck, asyraf. fuck.

WHY MUST I BE SO FUCKING STUPID. WHY. WHY. WHYYYYYYYY.

i dare you to move
i dare you to move
i dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

i dare you to move
i dare you to move
i dare you to move, like today never happened
like today never happened before.

dear god,
please save my ankle.
because i wanna play for the A divs.
thankyou.

ps. i still love her. yes, i still do. so, so, so much.

i'm numbing myself, and now i'm ready to start my revision.
math and geography, here i come.





i found out you passed your common tests and i'm very proud of you.
i still care.

happy 18th birhtday, nur aliana.